Tony Robbins: How to Understand Yourself (Tony Robbins Motivation)

People will stop me all the time ask me these different questions but most people do question like what’s it take to get rich and happy instantly with no effort some version of that question and I usually look at him and say do you really want to know where you just asking when I say that you seem kind of freeze for a moment like you may tell me and I might have to work but i really want to tell you what I really believe it takes to be rich and happy now most people think rich is just money but i know a lot of people a lot of money in there broke i’ll be able to have a lot of money and they’re very rich that richness is a sense of fulfillment a lot of people have quote succeeded supposedly on the outside but they’re not fulfilled and i’m here to tell you that success without fulfillment as failure how do you make sure you’re really fulfilled because it seems such an elusive thing for most people most people you know they think okay if I succeed then I’ll be fulfilled they succeed they’re still not fulfilled or five a kid then I’ll be fulfilled and have a child that’s great for a while they’re still not fulfilled people are looking for something more and I would say to you that there’s only two things that will give you fulfillment long-term you may talk more about this tomorrow and more depth but we only have six needs that must be met all human being 7 we all have different goals different desires different ways of trying to make ourselves feel good we are the same needs and first need that everybody has the need for certainty we all have a need for absolute certainty because certainly is a survival mechanism you have done a certain amount of certainty that even function right now if you were inserting these lamps these lights up here we’re going to hold up or the roof was gonna hold on then you probably listen to me a whole lot right now because without a base level of certainty the floors gonna hold you up you can’t function and haven’t even been the race by the way when you have so much uncertainty in your life that just freaking out like uncertain about your job or career about a relationship and a major crazy inside we’ve been that place we had so much uncertainty to not say I so everyone needs a base level of certainty now we all try to get that certainty in different ways we have the same need worldwide doesn’t matter who you go to what country where culture what language of person speaks what their socio-economic background is everybody needs certain is a human need not a desire and need it’s built into the human nervous system but we all go about getting it differently like some people try to get certainly by having a routine that’s the same every day so they can be certain how it’s going to be some people try to get certainty by you know surrounding himself with people that they’re smarter than so they feel like they’re always in control the situation or by trying to control everyone so we could certainly by faith you know there’s no certainty so they get it by having trust that they’re guided everyone has different ways some ways some people get certainty that they can be comfortable at the basic level certainly is you can avoid pain you can have some pleasure base certainly is just that certain to be comfortable most people get that by smoking or drinking or something like that so everyone’s gonna find a way to meet their need you’ve already found ways to get a certain amount of certain your life but you wouldn’t listen to me right now but the question is is the way you’re doing it the way you’re getting the need matt is it empowering your disempowering yours a kind of neutral if using drugs or alcohol to get certain to be comfortable and obviously has many many negative side effects of using faith it’s a different one if you’re using your sense of identity like boy i’m certain not because everything around me is perfect but i’m certain i’ve always found a way to my identity as i find a way and that gives me certainty so some ways willpower you so now here’s the interesting thing though when you get absolutely totally certain about something you know what’s going to happen what’s gonna happen how it’s gonna happen let’s say in a relationship you know what’s gonna happen what they’re going to say when they’re going to say and how they’re going to say what’s going to occur when you finally have this ultimate goal of certain this need you really feel like you’re associated you’re fully meeting it then what happens you feel what board right so almost end this thing you wanted so bad this is funny because people are they work hard to get what they want they get in there and happy motherboard like most people think the secret to life is making money so you’ll never have to work again and the truth of the matter is if you spent any time with people who achieve that you’ll find that they’re miserable and they usually start another business or do something else because that is not the secret to life because they get bored out of their minds want to pull their hair out because everyone needs to grow and be stimulated so while we want certainty when we going to absolute certainty we go not so that’s because God has a sense of humor and gave us a second need the need for uncertainty just to really screw up a good right just to see if you were paying attention we have a need for certainty but we simultaneously have a need for uncertain we have a need for variety we have a need for surprise we have a need to have things that we’re not expecting half and creates excitement for us that’s what adventure is if you know what’s gonna happen what’s gonna happen what’s gonna happen it was good for a while then you’re bored you gotta have surprises in your life you gotta have those things that make you grow when you know it is it doesn’t require growth you can predict it when you’re not sure now you have to grow to deal with the uncertainty and that growth is what makes us feel happy as human beings inside now you can get variety by doing drugs also change your state you can get variety by going to a movie you know why people go to movies because it gives some certainty and uncertainty there are certain they’re not gonna die even if the guy in the movie does right and yet they have a variety they can vicariously experience all this adventure and surprise and so forth inside that film how many of you never rented a video of a movie you’ve already seen we’re gonna say I why I went to movie you’ve already seen answer because you’re certain it’s good and you’re hoping you forgot enough that they’ll be some variety right so these two are a paradox aren’t they they seem to be antithesis of one another and yet as a human being we need to have both of them to really feel good the third and fourth human needs all people have our three number three is the need for significance need for a feeling like your life is significant it’s important it’s unique in somewhat its special that your life has some kind of purpose so we all have the need to feel significant unique feel like your life has some kind of meaning what’s interesting is how do you go about it you know you can go about it by tearing everybody else down I’m great because you’re horrible you know there’s two is that the tallest building in town one is tearing down everybody else’s building that’s what some people do other is work harder and build a better building right work like crazy girls takes once you go for it so what a lot of people do is to feel significant as they tear other people down because they can feel important like you’re moving backwards i must be moving forward there’s an illusion there or you get significance to violence is violence lasted so long and humanity because it means most of our needs in a very negative way but it needs it listen I have no educational background i live in the hood I pulled a gun sticking to your head suddenly I am significant I don’t need education and background I didn’t need great me report with you we have reported right you’re gonna respond to me now I’m significant and i’m certain that I’m in control of the situation and I got some variety because this is a unique situation where anything could happen meets three of my needs violence has been around humanities experience forever because it is a way to meet needs a derogatory way but it works and since it works and doesn’t require much effort especially now with the tools of violence where if you and I had a fight before and I had a punch it out with you there were some consequence but now with a high-powered rifle or something that can shoot off on hundred shots in about a minute from a distance I could be a coward and I can still feel significant do whatever I want there’s no consequence to me you can also do it in neutral ways to do it by you know dressing really uniquely right like you have a unique style that makes you feel unique and significant you could do it by skillsets having skill that’s almost no one else has very unique you can do it by buying more toys you have nicer cars are homes or something like that you can do it by getting more phd’s more degrees more results that you know you have that thing next your name so your significant every one of us finds a way right because we have to feel significant everybody is this question is how some people do it by saying i am a christian right manager I’m or whatever and I’m more unique than you and then religions fight about who really knows the name of God and kill each other in the name of God interesting process that sometimes happens happen in most major religions of the world because we were basically fighting over who more significant to the Creator interesting thought process human beings have now the interesting thing is to be significant you can do it neutralized positive ways you can do about having more compassion and giving more than anybody else if you give so much sure enough if you know you want to get more and you’re more honest and more real that makes you feel unique makes you feel special that doesn’t have any downside only has upside so you gotta figure out you’re gonna find a way to be unique question is it due to cars and homes you do it to achieving you do it by the kind of love that you share do you do it by you know doing something with people that makes them feel like your superior what you do but you do something you do many things that are significant but the problem is to feel significant to feel unique have to be different than everyone and then of course violates the Fourth you need because God does have a sense of humor the 14 is the need for connection and love so while you’re busy trying to be unique and I have so many clients super achievers in the culture you know actors actresses business people at the top athletes who their whole life they wanted to be unique and they got this whole uniqueness and now they have no connection because they feel like everybody’s trying to get something from them now they don’t really feel the love and connection they wanted which is the fourth need is to be unique and different have to be apart from you this happen some people’s intimate relationships all the time as well as all my god i really want to be at one with this person and then they start filling one with a person whether for on-the-go wait a second I feel like full of them connected but who am I how my unique in this world i’m losing my identity and then they freak out and pull back from the relationship because we’re trying to do is meet you need simultaneously you can get connection by being sick and then everyone common pay attention to you you can do it by creating problems if you don’t get kid attention for doing something good will do something bad to feel that you really care you love them to get your attention and by the way all adults are big kids they do the same thing same thing as a child does sometimes a little bit more dramatic sometimes a bit more painful but the same things that kids do because basically most people are still five years old emotionally so we respond the same way most of those are not directly was great facade but inside with this little get so now here you are in this situation where you want connection wells can you do while you can have connection by just loving people you can have a connection by way of being in nature or connection to God through prayer or you can have connection by looking at a piece of art and feeling this sense of inspiration you can have it through meditation you can have it by making love you feel as total connection you can have it through a bet so many ways to get it you’re gonna find a way the question is on a scale of 0 to 10 10 is 9 and 10 is totally fulfilled where are you most people find ways that really don’t feel them totally to bring them up to a 45 so there are no man’s land they’re not really happy but then i unhappy enough to anything to change it and make it better and then if you meet these force first four if you meet the need for certainty and uncertainty of called variety and significance and connection you’ll find a way to meet those are called the fundamental needs but you will not be rich happy fulfilled the really fulfilled unless you mean the last two and very few people meet the last two these are the two the real secret that is number five as you must grow you must grow number six you must contribute beyond yourself in a meaningful way see you can get certainly by controlling everybody you get variety by doing drugs you can get significance by telling other people down you have connection by having a problem all the time that people have to fix so they pay attention you feel walked by that knows make a better person the only way you’re going to be fulfilled if you pick a different set of vehicles and those vehicles are those ways of meeting your needs must cause you to grow because no matter how much you earn how many people think you’re great what’s wonderful in your life if you don’t feel like you’re growing you’ll feel like you’re dying inside and anybody’s ever seen who has committed suicide you thought how could they do that i mean they had the world by the tail so they didn’t like they’re growing and or even if they were contributing they didn’t feel like their life a meaning that they were contributing beyond themselves and bring this to your attention because i’ve seen so many people develop such great skills and still be unhappy so these are the sixties you gotta decide how you gonna play this game and there’s certain beliefs you have that make you do things a certain way and they may not be serving you but you keep doing it because it meets some of your needs it’s like for example anything human being does remember i said they have a reason so if you smoke cigarettes you know you know it’s terrible you do it because it needs some of your needs maybe initially you did it to be significant to feel connected with some friends or maybe you’re so stressed you’re certain you smoke you can relax so now we stopped you from smoking well you’re gonna go for something else because you got to still feel that comfort or you gonna still feel significant so unless we understand what our brain is doing most of us in life have no idea how to win the game of life we don’t know what the target of the game is we don’t know the goal it’s pretty hard to win a game we don’t want the goal is I mean to tell you haven’t been with a couple million people from 65 countries and having heard every story you can imagine I’m i dealt with people with a hundred and fifty two personalities who started splitting in the middle of a seminar while IM Sawyer was actually covering a businessman sitting next to this woman she’s split 252 personalities been in therapy for 30 years and integrator in 40 minutes on the spot and Diana saying it’s a miracle it’s a buddy can’t laugh so they waited a year to do the story and followed her for a year and she never broke down again I don’t want that to ppl 252 personality to people like no personality of a bigger problem right ok a much bigger problem right I dealt with you know the kid in the South Bronx addicted to crack cocaine and I don’t want the top CEOs in Hollywood addicted to go game you know I mean I seen it all and there’s nothing I haven’t seen I’ve seen people physically abused emotionally I’m seeing everything you can imagine see you don’t have any bright to see there are patterns and all these patterns are just trying to meet the same six needs and most people don’t know what they’re after so it’s kind of hard to get your outcome you don’t know what it is so what I want to talk about for a few minutes here at those last two called growth and contribution as those of the ticket to freedom will go through some fun skills but i want you think about your philosophy of life because was great to have these tools you need both philosophy and skill to make your life work you’ve got great skill and no guiding philosophy know Gotye instead of belief structures then you are a person who has wonderful mechanics but you’re not really going to be fulfilled your not going to make a difference in the world if you got this wonderful philosophy and you got no skills no muscle then you’re going to live and be able to philosophize forever and you know it’s right but don’t do anything it’s a merger of these two or melding of these two that really creates quality life for my perception so let’s talk about the philosophy of what creates that fulfillment I remember somebody came on time it so what does it take to be rich and have never looked back from I said it’s really simple be a team player the first look at me like what does that mean let me tell you that’s the secret too often happen it’s become a team player what does that mean a team player means you gotta understand something human beings are really unique here’s what unique about it were driven to achieve a certain amount in our lives whatever that may be to meet our six needs for some people feel significant they got to make ten billion dollars for some people significant they have to have a child and that child would be a nice person there’s no right or wrong it’s just different beliefs that are had about one house that up and right but here’s what’s interesting most of us don’t need to have a lot happened to meet our needs we know so it’s different for every person so let’s say for you to meet your needs of identity you have to do certain amount of business well once you do that much business you don’t know anymore drive like okay that feels good right or you have a certain amount of need for acknowledgement but once you get a certain amount of acknowledgement people two million times are great you are you always appreciate hearing it but you don’t really need it because you know so you’re grateful and it’s wonderful but it’s not like desperation you know what I’m saying here and so certain amount of money certain respects certain accomplishments certain about something and then we can lose our drive because we enter our comfort zone how many fathers day I so what’s your comfort zone you’re not driven anymore here’s the problem when you get your comfort zone you’re not driven you no longer grow when you’re not growing you start to die inside when you longer growing and dying inside you stop contributing a meaningful way that you do both of those your whole world falls apart emotionally have seen this happen i’ve got about six or seven friends play seven be accurate who are considered by most people the world to be like the best honor that what they do and have been for a quarter of a century 21 guys in the movie business in the head of several studios made unbelievable number pictures Academy Awards another guy is an NBA coach the most winningest coach of all time ba history I mean each of these guys are my friends and they’re in their mid fifties and we’re all new we get together to talk as we talk about wife and where we’re going what we’re doing and I’ve watched many of them the business ones anyway cash out at one point in their career they sold their companies that made 500 million dollars one guy two and a half billion dollars and he thought that was gonna make him happy and I remember for the first three or four months he was really happy he partied it was fun it was great and also he got more and more crazy and then suddenly start over eating and drinking and all those things are as a symptom for the fact that you’re not fulfilled so now you’re going for the cheap quickie to try to make yourself feel good because you really are growing you’re not contributing and every one of them has gone back into some venture that made them have to grow from the other business that to take on the challenges their take on the effort that grow and they felt like they were contributing something meaningful and that’s when they’re obvious so having said that if we all can get comfortable in a certain spot then what’s the secret to make sure we’re always growing contributing in the answer is become a team player which means this people will do more for others they care about you ever do for themselves that’s a critical distinction have like human beings people do much more for others they care about you ever do for themselves but for some people that’s God for some people that their kids for some people that’s their friends will all do more for something we really people we really care about anyone else than ourselves and so if you really want to be happy gotta grow got to contribute how many by that say I so if you buy that you got a reason to constantly grow because you’re gonna get comfortable pretty easily the only way to do that is that these people you care so much for that you feel compelled to constantly contribute more to grow in order to be able to do that unfortunately my life I figured this out a very early age and so it drove me to this point why I’m here now and I’m here now because I get to have the sense of I have to grow to this I have to contribute and I get the joy and the fulfillment of that process I don’t have to do any this anymore fortunately acme didn’t do nothing for the rest of my life economically but I couldn’t sit and do nothing and be happy so that’s where we got a vest ourselves but i have found what that is for me which is certain people I care about an invite the people I care about people like yourself who really want to make their life more about how great it is but you gotta find what that is because that’s what I’ll Drive you so I want to give you a couple of assignments that if you use them will get you more connected to your team and they’re very fundamental very basic but i think if you do that you’ll find them to be quite useful and the first one is really simple if you’re going to be a team player and you’re gonna feel that sense of connection than what you’ve got to be able to do is you gotta be able to connect when it’s not easy to connect i mean by that is if you’re in a position where someone how many of you have somebody in your life from your past where maybe you were good friends at one point or lovers or business associates but you’re really close this person and then one day something happened and what happened to change your life forever in your relationship and maybe you’ve never spoken to them again since that day how many of something like this somewhere in the back of your life original let me see your hands keep your head up and I want to see what percentage the room is it’s about ninety percent of the room ok so what I want you to do is this I want you to develop team building muscles just when you have that sense of connection you can do anything but anybody can be loving and friendly to someone who’s probably loving and friendly to you if you really going to get that sense of connection that sense of real joy the real passion you going to connect with somebody who has hurt you have been unfair to you now I’m not suggesting you start another relationship with this person I’m not stupid i know many people you don’t want to start a relationship with but i do want you to learn how to communicate with absolute caring love and make yourself do that even though you’ve been hurt because that’s how you build an ultimate muscle men following say I what I’m gonna ask you to do is you are going to tomorrow or tonight after the seminar you’re going to take this first maybe not talk from years and you are going to call them now answering machines don’t count okay but you’re going to communicate with them and what I want to do is three things i want to call them which acknowledge yourself who you are don’t pretend you’re someone else and that’s the phone and as your voice will say hi this is me remember me i certainly remember you then the second step you’re going to acknowledge our relationship ended you’re gonna save this person listen I know the last time we talked was not a very pretty sight I know that we all know we do this we do that i know that i knew i was right you knew you were right and it didn’t in a very attractive way to acknowledge what happens so it’s clear that you’re not an idiot calling back and then you go third step is I’m just calling for one reason it’s been six months it’s been a year it’s been 10 years I just want to call you to tell you that wall that was incredibly painful i was mad attack and I still necessarily agree or disagree with you I do want you to know that before that happened we had an amazing business relationship friendship welfare whatever it was no I’m not trying to start a new one I just want to tell you how grateful I am for that time I had with you prior to that event because it was a great great time in my life and you are an important part of my life and my team and I want to thank you for that and you don’t say anything I’m not calling you have you say anything or give me anything I just wanted to thank you for that time I hope you have a great life thanks bye click what with this due to their brain better yet what would you do to your brain to actually sincerely make this call and put aside those events and associate the good things again i’m not saying starting a relationship with him i’m not saying that I’m saying just call and acknowledge that there was great goodness and do it from your heart and reconnect to that feeling how many think this would be a major stretch let me see your hands say I good so that if you can’t do it you what you what I’m gonna do a raise your hand and say I here’s the second call i want you to make the second calls not painful you’ll want to make this call for you turn the page let me ask you how many of you out there have had an experience where there was somebody who you’re really close to somebody you really appreciate it really enjoyed really loved and you didn’t have an argument you don’t have something negative happens you just got so busy and they got so busy and you’re like different places and you didn’t call for a while and the more you can call the weirder it felt not to call and then since you call for solar really felt weird not to go on now you haven’t called forever and you kind of like the commercial says kind of drifted away and it wasn’t because you’re upset with the middle oh how many have someone like that somewhere in your life or you can say I that’s your second call what are you gonna do call them up knowledge you are you the same thing acknowledge what happened tell the truth listen you know I’m calling i’m sure you wanna be time to talk right now we don’t need to i’m just going to tell you one thing and that is that i just i think about your wad that you know I’m talk to you so long that after a while it’s on the truth I didn’t call for a while you didn’t call i was busy you were busy and then felt weird to call the museum calling so it doesn’t feel weird to call in the future I i’m just calling to tell you i love you and I’m so thrilled that you’re part of my team and even if we don’t talk for two years i always care about you if you ever want to talk I’m always here I don’t want any time so i just want to say things have a nice night now whether that person I guarantee will stop you so no i’m going to call it what it will do is it will take a part of your life like one thing you can find it behind you this thing you put back in front of you and reconnect with it and I think you’re gonna find that you don’t have a really wonderful professional fact like you know when you drop the rock in the water it doesn’t stop there hits the water has this neat little wave effect on your life same thing happens when you reconnect with someone you really consider to be a friend it has impact of things that you normally wouldn’t measure in that area how do you want to make this call so say I here’s the third assignment the third assignment team building is I want you to make a list of all the key team members of your life what i mean by that is anyone you consider to be part of your team team can be intimate loved ones it can be family or friends team can be those people you work with who you really really care about I’m talking about your clothes inter-team of people the people that you care about the people who have their feelings about you has influence over you the people that you would be driven to give to and to serve therefore we need to grow and contributing somewhat want to ask you to do is I want to right next to each person’s name some unique way to let them know you care about the next 30 to 45 days some unique way because we all assumed that everybody knows we love them but we don’t people don’t they forget or them experience in a certain way they don’t know so i want you to do it unique way cuz again people do weird things if they can’t get that while for that connection a good way they do weird stuff to get your 11 attention so you don’t wanna wait till there’s a challenge there’s a problem if someone asked you to proactively now for example how many of you have kids let’s see your hands wow how many of teenage kids as an example great another breed aren’t they so now here’s what you do I want you to make your list and what you come up with a unique way to make them feel totally love know what’s great about this number one you increase your connection and sense of team number two you have a blast coming up with creative things that are three you feel wonderful when you’re doing it and when all those wonderful things are happening it affect your career believe it or not because it will affect the way you feel about yourself and your identity and what you’re doing in your life it enriches everything these little things mean everything i give an example when I married my wife Becky I wanted to have four kids I got three instantly and all of a sudden here in the short time we have four kids and I had kids at that time my youngest i think was for my oldest was 17 and I was 24 years old right so that makes you grow up pretty quick right so i feel myself in a place was like wow you’re this great love affair with my wife and i really love these kids but also the way I’m ever in my life quickly rapidly powerful and Hadfield deal that it was very difficult to first three more difficult because i felt like i was getting less connection i was less significance and the kids were and so forth it was very difficult but gradually what happens i love these kids so much that it expanded my life that didn’t mean less significance last connection and I can have it for more places in a deeper level announced that one of the greatest gift of my entire life yes we are you a successful man i would say yes and my number one criteria is what incredible kids i have we are as people which I think they’ve done their own that I think I’ve certainly helped to shape some of their core value structures and blue structures which is building can shape you can control behavior but you could certainly shape a good deal with somebody values and believes by your example in your caring and so when this first happened I also was 24 years old starting my career I was doing an average of two hundred desir on the road I i was building and doing everything so I’m not even their most the time so these kids are my life and I’m thinking my god how do i connect with these kids how do no I love them i’m not there the only solution i could come up with was okay i gotta be there number one and number 2i gotta really be there were there no I have forefathers myself and the one who I consider to be my real father is not my birth father you know he’s not my father genetically the one I mentioned about the way was the one I was closest to and i have the least amount of time with him but I really have what i call magic moments with him just moments I never forget as long as I live and they help to shape a good part of who I am and what I believe in value and so I think that’s what i’m going to do I gotta create magic moment of these kids but I decided to do with the way I’m asking you to do it strategically not like just ok i’ll figure way to really put focus into it as i looked at each kid because each kid has different needs to know their lot so as I looked at that i was able to and I thought about I don’t want to my kids I want to do this with the whole world you gotta decide you’re gonna blast your life and forget what you really love what you really really live for because you’re busy trying to achieve something are you gonna do both live fully and blast through everything you want to achieve to the only way to do that is if you understand team inter-team is the most important thing that’s my challenge to you to make the most important thing including by the way the team inside of you because for years I took first seven years of my career I didn’t take one day off of work seven days a week that was that was my whole identity was I don’t stop but I’ve also learned who lots of pain that if you just give to everybody else but yourself pretty soon you’re empty you got nothing to get back so I learned gradually to really give myself things give myself time give myself a little events and I want you to do that so I have one of their assignment for you as I want you for the next four weeks to promise me one thing besides coming up with your plan to take care of your team you come up with a plan that gives you one hour week the next four weeks we do something for you that you normally will not do for yourself I don’t know what is everybody’s different maybe it’s just the walk on the beach or walk away cause you never give yourself time by yourself maybe it’s buy yourself something you would never do is all that’s too but I don’t need that do it anyway ok will happen when you give to yourself you have something to give others know it’s bible says love thy neighbor like myself which presupposes that you would love yourself it’s not very popular things most people who pretend to love themselves really don’t really love themselves they hate themselves giving yourself as a gift that when you give yourself and you so much happier so much more lively able to give to others I

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